The Horse Cure by Michelle Holling-Brooks

Author:Michelle Holling-Brooks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Trafalgar Square Books

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Brenda was early again the following week, coming straight into the office and sitting in her usual seat. This time, she smiled openly at us both as Cami and I joined her.

I started the session. “So how was your week?”

“Okay. Are you going to ask me about my homework?” She leaned forward in her chair. There was an energy in her we hadn’t seen before.

“Sure!” I replied with enthusiasm. “How did you do on your home—”

Brenda started talking before I could even finish the sentence.

“I need to learn to be proud of myself. I need to learn how to not be shut down.” She went on to list all the ways she shut down. Brenda was aware that she dissociated, and in her own terms, “became a robot.” She acknowledged that was how she had functioned the first couple of weeks at Unbridled Change because she thought we were going to judge her and not believe her story. She shared her long past history of abuse: being beaten so badly that she passed out and woke up the next day, bloody and in her own waste. She cried as she explained how her husband had told her children it was her fault, she was stupid, and she couldn’t even keep herself clean. She unloaded and unloaded. Cami and I sat and listened. We held the space for her to say what she felt she needed to share.

Most of our 50 minutes that day was spent in the office. As it neared time to wrap up the session, I asked Brenda, “Do you want to greet the horses before you leave, or are you okay with waiting to see them next week?”

Brenda stood up from the table. “I need to say hi and pet them; otherwise they will not trust me.”

This time Brenda didn’t wait for me to lead the way. She opened the office door herself, only stopping and looking at me just before reaching for the gate latch to the arena. Although I was a little behind her, Cami was next to Brenda, so I said, “Go ahead on into the arena. I’m coming.”

Brenda opened the latch, waiting and holding the gate open for me, then closing it behind us. She turned and went straight to Delilah. She stopped about 2 feet from the mare, letting Delilah close the gap and touch her first as she spoke to the horse in a hushed tone. She repeated the process with Cocoa. Then Brenda walked back over the gate, smiled at us and asked, “Can I go now?”

“Sure,” Cami replied. “See you next week.”

The following week she was annoyed with the way her case was going. Social Services didn’t seem to believe her when she told them how well she was doing in our program.

We headed out to Delilah and Cocoa, where I started to say, “Okay, so today I would like you to—”

Brenda walked over to the halters and lead ropes, hanging near the gate. “I want to see if they will trust me like they trust you,” she interrupted.

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